Prepare and Reflect!
You already know that feeling of having your heartbeat repeatedly race just at the thought of having that very important, yet seemingly uncomfortable, conversation. You know!
The other day, I had a client who said, "Every time I am about to have the conversation, it feels like the ground should open and swallow me." Lol…
Many people would rather avoid conflict and allow themselves to harbor the turmoil and internal conflict within themselves than sit with either the human other or themselves to get to the heart of an issue. What they don’t understand is that the avoidance of conflict is really more destructive than the actual conflict itself.
Don’t get me wrong! The act of choosing not to respond or address an issue at a particular time out of respect for yourself and the other person is completely different from the avoidance strategy.
In the context of ignoring the tension in the air, avoidance is a practice of keeping away from or withdrawing from something undesirable. In this slight moment of avoidance, you end up internalizing the issue and framing uninformed conclusions or even find yourself escalating attention-seeking behaviors. Then the voices in your head get louder and since you would rather stay silent than have the conversation, you end up suffering internally. Your stress level goes high, you emotionally abuse yourself, and you end up straining your relationships. You know how it goes!
Prepare and Reflect!
Preparation. Hands down! Nothing beats preparation. Yep! Doris, you’ve probably heard this multiple times that you think its just some bunch of phrases until you enter a conversation and come out feeling worse than you were initially, then you appreciate the power of being ready. Those uncomfortable conversations you’ve had in the past failed or went south simply because you did not prepare.
Imagine you're about to climb a steep mountain. You wouldn't just start walking up without checking the weather, packing supplies, or planning your route, right? An uncomfortable conversation is much like such a climb—challenging, potentially intimidating, and requiring preparation to reach the summit smoothly. Preparation gives you clarity and helps build the muscle you need to win. However, it goes side-by-side with reflection on the nature of the conflict.
Reflection. This entails pondering on the dynamics that led to the disagreement in the first place. Before entering into a dialogue, focus on the purpose of the conversation, the key points you want to address, and the potential outcomes that would serve both parties. Reflect on your emotions and biases to ensure you approach the conversation with an open mind and not judgement. By thinking through your points in advance, you're less likely to be swayed by emotions or say something you regret. It also allows you to find empathy, helping you understand the perspective of the other person.
This strategy I have shared is the first step toward holding space for you to be ready for the uncomfortable conversation. What makes this work EVERYTIME is that it requires you to take responsibility and do the work.
This is where most default. Until next time, when I bring you the how!
