Foot in the Door Approach!
When I recently shared about having uncomfortable conversations in an assigned space—all planned, reflective, and with the right intentions—what is worth mentioning is the confusion, frustration, or hurtful feelings those conversations may bring—especially when we are eager to express ourselves, holding firm to our point of view, or having a deep need to defend our position. But the true power in a difficult conversation lies not in what we say but in what we choose not to say. This is the lesson!
One of our most powerful relational tools, especially during uncomfortable moments, is the art of listening and resisting the urge to assume. It’s an art that’s often easier said than done but, when practiced, can transform any relational dynamic.
Listening Matters!
Listening, particularly during challenging conversations, is a potent tool that can heal rifts, foster trust, and pave the way for deeper understanding. It’s not passive—it’s an active choice we make to give the other person the space to be fully seen and heard, which can be challenging for many of us.
When you approach uncomfortable conversations, do you often enter them with preconceived notions? You bet these assumptions are based on your own perspectives, experiences, or biases, which can cloud your ability to hear the other person’s truth. By stepping back and asking questions instead of making statements, you create a space for the other person to share their reality—free from your own projections. And the practical test is, how many of us can truly do this?
It Takes Courage!
It takes courage to remain silent when every part of your being yearns to express itself. Trust me. I know how this feels.
Listening and silence go hand in hand. As such, it isn’t a weakness but a strength that allows for deeper connection. Silence allows for reflection. It signals to the other person that you value their perspective enough to make room for it. So, here are a few ways to practice the power of listening in your conversations:
Ask, don’t assume. Ask the person about their feelings or experiences before making any assumptions. You may be surprised by what you hear.
Pause before responding. Take a moment to let their words sink in before you reply. This helps you truly digest what they’ve said and ensures your response is thoughtful.
Listen to understand. Often, we listen with the intention of responding, already formulating our next point while the other person is speaking. Challenge yourself to listen with the goal of understanding their perspective instead.
Embrace the discomfort. Oh, this is a hard one! Difficult conversations aren’t easy. But in leaning into the discomfort, you create the potential for growth—both personally and within your relationships.
Listening Transforms!
Whether you’re navigating a tough conversation at work, addressing a conflict in a friendship, or discussing a sensitive topic with a family member, remember that the power of listening can transform the conversation—and the relationship itself.
Active listening involves fully focusing on the speaker, understanding their message, and responding thoughtfully. Active listening can be another form of emphatic listening. It involves showing empathy by nodding, maintaining eye contact, providing verbal affirmations, and being present in the conversation. Reflect back on what you hear to ensure understanding and validate the speaker’s feelings.
After you have reflected and created a safe space, before you engage in that uncomfortable conversation, pauseeeeeee. Breatheeeeeee. And deliberately choose to listennnnnnnnnn. The power lies not in your ability to speak but in your willingness to truly understand, without judgement.
